Imaginary Therapy

I’ve always been uncomfortable around big dogs. I don’t know if I had a bad experience with one when I was young, whether it’s some Freudian symbol or Jungian myth that’s at work, or if I’m just not used to being around them. But I was feeling pretty anxious when a huge German Shepherd walked into my office.
“The police ordered me to see you,” the dog said.
“Why? What did I do?” I asked.
“Don’t act so guilty. The police told me that I need help.”
“What for?”
“It’s all been written up. You can read the police report online.” The dog gave me a web address and password.
“K-9?” I asked.
“That’s the right one.”

As I started to read, I realized I was more comfortable looking at the screen than talking with the dog. I closed my laptop.
“If I’m going to help you, I need to hear the story from you.”
I thought the dog snarled a little, but it just may have been his way of acting resigned.

“I’m a member of the Police Department’s Canine Squad, the K-9s. I’ve been trained to be a drug-sniffer. I search for narcotics.”
“I’ve seen dogs do that at the airport.”
“I’ve worked the airport. I've worked all over. I’m the best they have.”
“But the police are worried about you?” I ventured.
“Not worried. Unhappy. All of a sudden, they’re unhappy with me.”
“Why, what happened?” I asked.
“After everything I’ve done for them, the police now say that I’m not just a drug sniffer. They say I’m a drug user.”

I couldn’t help it, but a smile crossed my face.
“That’s funny?” A definite snarl.
“No. I’m sorry. But I once heard that people think all drug-sniffing dogs are addicted. That it’s part of your training.”
“And that’s funny?”
“No. It’s just that it sounded ironic to me.” I wasn’t sure that I was the right person for this dog.

The K-9 came around to my side of the desk.
“Maybe there is something funny. I think I smell something funny in your desk.”
“There’s nothing funny-smelling in my desk. Now go back on your side of my desk.”

“We’re specifically trained to never touch the stuff,” the dog told me.
“But the police think you became a user?”
“Why would I? I love what I do. I love finding drugs. I love finding drug dealers. I love everything about it.”
“But how much are you using?” I pretended to assume he was using and it was just a matter of amount.
“Who’s using? The police already took me off drug-sniffing detail. They won’t let me near the stuff anymore.”
“But were they right? Were you using before?”
“Do you know how many criminals I’ve caught? If I’m addicted to anything, I’m addicted to success.”

The dog seemed to like that idea of his being a success addict and began to talk more openly.
“Have you ever been Number One in something?” he asked me. “Something important? Do you know how much pressure you’re under if you’re the best there is?”
“It can be very stressful.”
“You know what happens? You start doubting yourself. You ask yourself, ‘Can I keep this up? What if I make a mistake next time?’ Just the slightest self-doubt can make you hesitate. Then you’ll look foolish.”

The classic problem of signal detection, I thought to myself. Knowing the false positives from the true positives and the false negatives from the true negatives, and knowing which error is more important to avoid.
“I knew I had natural ability to sniff out the goods. I just needed a little help with motivation.”
“And that’s when you started using?”
“It was just a little experiment. I just wanted to see what all the fuss was about. Why everyone made such a big deal about either hiding drugs or finding drugs. But I wouldn’t necessarily call it ‘using’.”
“What would you call it?”
“It was a motivator. It’s the difference between saying ‘Today, it might be nice to find some drugs’ versus ‘I’ve got to find some drugs right now’. I mean, I was motivated.”

“But you said you weren’t allowed to touch the drugs you found.”
“They didn’t know I had found anything until I told them. Because I was so motivated, I would really search thoroughly. They got used to seeing me really tear through the contents of car trunks and suitcases. When I was done, belongings would be strewn all over the place. It was easy to pretend I hadn’t found anything and quickly snort a little. And then return a little later and show them where it was.”
“So they never suspected you.”
“I was a good finder and a good hider. But to be honest, I think there’s a little ass-covering going on. They never let me have any, but I sure think they looked the other way because I was so good.”
“You think they broke their own rules so you could find more drug users?” I asked.

“No. I think it had to do with the contests.”
“Contests?”
“That’s how they knew I was the best. Every couple of months, all the dogs would be in a competition to see who could sniff out drugs the best. Different tasks would be set us. Drugs would be hidden in odd places. Or they would use tiny amounts. Or they would cover up the smell with perfume or chemicals. In one event, they had a pit bull guarding the stash. You can see where the dog who was the most motivated would get those drugs.”
“And as a user, that would be you.”
“When the other drug-sniffing dogs found some cocaine, they would gently alert their handler by giving out a little ‘Woof’. When I found the coke, there was no question that this was the greatest thing that could ever happen.”
“You’re beginning to sound more than a casual user.”

“That’s when I came to an important understanding.” At this point, the dog leaned closer to me. “I realized the competition wasn’t between us dogs. The contest was among the trainers - to see who had trained the best dog.”
“And you wanted your trainer to win?”
“You don’t know the first thing about dogs, do you? More than anything in the world, I wanted to please him. So if using the drugs helped motivate me and helped him look good, that’s what I had to do. And if someone looked the other way, whose fault is it anyway?” He leaned back with a very self-satisfied look.
“So how did you finally get in trouble?”
“I got busted because I was the best.”
“I know. And it wasn’t your fault.”
“You tell me. What human being would be stupid enough to bring their own drugs to a contest of drug-sniffing dogs? Would you believe the druggie risk-taking find-me-out sixteen year-old daughter of a police captain? She was right on the field with coke in her pants. All the other dogs knew something was up. But all they did was act restless. Their trainers just thought they were anxious to get started.”
“And you?”
“I don’t remember exactly. But they tell me I knocked the girl to the ground and ripped off the back pocket of her jeans. By the time my handler reached me, I was straddling her rear end with my nose covered in white powder.”

“A little too motivated?”
“That girl has a real problem. But her father, the captain, told everyone she was holding the cocaine as part of the contest. The officials backed him up. The sad thing is, I think the captain really believed it.”
“So what happened to you?”
“I was disqualified and sent home. The next day, they told me I had embarrassed everyone and I couldn’t be a drug-sniffing dog anymore. Just like that. And they told me to get help.”

“I don’t know,” I told him. “Denial. Rationalization. Deception. Blaming everyone but yourself. You’re sounding more and more like every other addict I’ve ever seen. And then after getting in trouble, I don’t get the sense you really want to quit.”
“I told you, I’m off the stuff.”
“Because you don’t have access to drugs anymore.”
“I’m no addict. I just want to help people.”
“So what would you like to see happen?”
“Well, i think they realize that this whole thing could be embarrassing to them also. So they told me they would retrain me as a rescue dog. I would be sent to the sites of explosions and disasters to locate people trapped in the rubble.”
“That’s important work. Do you think you could do it?”
“I know I could.”
“Well, you would be a real hero - actually saving somebody’s life. Even finding a person’s body would help a family know what happened to their loved one.”
“I know.”
“And it would keep you away from drugs.”
“Really, that won’t be hard for me,” the dog reassured me. “But, what percentage of victims do you think would be carrying?”